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11 August 2006 @ 08:22 pm
This time M. Night Shamylan, Hitchcock-wannabe extraordinaire, actually casts himself in a pivotal role in his own (written, directed, produced) movie! Trust me, this man is not an actor. Not to say he's awful, just mediocre; furthermore, his presence distracted me from the movie itself. He Mary-Sued this one alright: he's the guy that's going to fix the world. Had anyone else played Vick, one could've paid more attention and felt more engaged by Shamylan's admittedly good plot, rather than wondering why he keeps upping his own screen time with every movie he makes.
 
 
11 August 2006 @ 07:57 pm
There's going to be some spammage for you guys watching this, as I'm going to update about multiple movies I saw this summer. :)

This movie was mostly good. Johnny Depp was funny, and excellent again as Captain Jack Sparrow. There was one thing that seriously bothered me about it other than the "cliffhanger" ending (no real suspense, just obviously and intentionally set up for the next movie): the Flying Dutchman has absolutely no concern with Davy Jones. Other than the fact that they both petrify the minds of sailors. While this is a fairly stupid nitpick, the irritating intentional alteration of history, or at the very least folklore, to be lazy and not have to develop the personality of another ship. Such laziness is quite insulting when the display garners over 55 million dollars in the first weekend alone.
 
 
09 June 2006 @ 10:40 pm
This masturbatory aid of Steve Martin's doesn't even attempt to disguise itself; the man wrote the "novel" and screenplay, produced, starred and narrated this thing. Narration, by the way, doesn't have a chance in hell if one of the characters' voices is obviously used and speaking in the third person. His character is a disturbingly wealthy "symbolic logician" basically using a young (Sax) glove saleswoman for sex. The relationship is supposed to be deep and not obviously one sided, but Steve Martin's fantasy names the female character appropriately for his own age group.. Mirabelle Buttersfield. Thankfully Steve allowed ten minutes of concern for the movie rather than his penis and didn't keep Mirabelle and "Ray Porter" together; she instead ends up with a young guy she hooked up with at the beginning of the movie who now (by the end) has achieved success.

But then we have "Ray Porter" narrating about their relationship and it just sounds like he's an obsessive voyeur.

Steve Martin's desperate attempt at liberating himself from comedy failed and deteriorated into a dispicable lump of pretentious self-gratification. Thank god we all don't make our fantasies into feature films.
 
 
19 February 2006 @ 01:08 pm
Friday night I saw Date Movie. Fairly mediocre and not worth the ticket price, especially with the audience I was stuck with.

The opening sequence features Alyson Hannigan in a fatsuit lamenting her singlehood. Cut to outside where she begins a wild dance routine around the street, including moves appropriate for a so-called rap video. Everyone in the movie (and the audience) makes sounds and motions of disgust and, upon Hannigan pulling the Marilyn-Monroe-in-The-Seven-Year-Itch skirt float over the grate while batting her eyelashes, a construction worker (in the movie) shoots himself in the temple with a nail gun.

I know. How DARE she have any self confidence when she's overweight. How DARE she.
 
 
02 February 2006 @ 11:38 am
This, by the way, has nothing to do with my severe dislike of both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their dispicable behavior. It has to do with my severe dislike of exploitation and greed.

According to this article they're coming out with a Mr and Mrs Smith TV show. This would be disgusting enough if Liman were just using the sub-stellar status of this film to weigh down his own wallet, but he refuses to mention several key inspirations to this project.

Like, the previous "Mr and Mrs Smith" television show (never mind the claims that the screenwriter of the 2005 movie originally meant his script as a TV show. Would he have mentioned the preceding show? More than likely not.) and the original Mr and Mrs Smith movie?

My theory (other than the obvious cashthirst)? Liman doesn't want anyone to realize that the original film is far superior to his own, thanks to the infinitely talented Alfred Hitchcock.

I really wonder if there's a single original idea left in this country.
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